I wrote the following over a year ago, when I kindly allowed a stray printer to share my dorm room with me. This was a naive and hopeful time in my life.
Me: "Print this 16-page document, double-sided."
Printer: "WHOA. That's too many pages. I am freezing now."
Me: "No! No! I take it back! Cancel Print! Stop!"
Printer: *baleful stare*
Me: "Okay, I restarted the computer."
Printer: "Printing test page."
Me: "I don't want a test page!"
Printer: "La la la."
Me: "Okay. You're working fine. That was a good test page. Now print just the odd pages of this document."
Printer: "Okay. I'll give you 15, 13, 11, and 9, and then tell you that I want to put 1, 3, 5, and 7 on the backs--in that order."
Me: "No. That is what you did to my Enviro Studies syllabus and I keep doing the wrong homework assignment. Please just print page 1."
Printer: "Okay. Actually, I'm kind of tired. How about half of page 1?"
Me: "No. That is not what I want."
Printer: "How about pages 16 and 15, and they will be smudged?"
Me: "No. Look, here's the preset double-sided option. Couldn't be easier."
Printer: "Fine. Here are the odd-numbered pages. Turn 'em around and put 'em back in and I'll give you the rest."
Me: "Sounds good...wait. You tend to print from last page to first page. I'd better reorder them so that they'll match up correctly."
Printer: "Whatever you want. Printing from first page to last page!"
Me: "No! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHH!"
Printer: "SUCKA!!!!!"
Sounds like as good a reason as any to move into the wilderness, make your own paper out of reeds, and try to appeal to the mercy of the printer gods.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you've already seen this but it's an Oatmeal thingie on printers.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, I discovered that Oatmeal post some time after I wrote this. We have a poster of it in our common room; it adds a certain je ne sais quoi.
ReplyDeleteThis is gold.
ReplyDelete