A Quartet of Skylerian Moments

Nert

Miffed Letter to the French Language

Dear French Language,

Why don't you have a good translation for the English "safe," besides "out of danger"?  Do Francophones say that they practice out-of-danger sex?  

(Well, maybe they don't say anything at all.  Seems like French people always have their mouths occupied with wine, cheese, or red roses.)

Why is cela m'est egal the only translation you have for "I don't care"?  It's impossible to spit out, "THIS IS EQUAL TO ME," with the same vehemence supplied by the original English.

Why do you have so many words about places, like endroit, lieu, place, and espace, but refuse to differentiate between house and home?  Although, nice job inventing chez moi.  That's a keeper.

Why do you use sentir, se sentir, and ressentir almost interchangeably, but not notify French learners of how they're different?  When I write essays, I want to say, "she feels powerless," not "she smells powerless."  Please.  My French teachers have been laughing at me ("honh honh honh") for years over this one.

Come on, French.  Don't you think the Language of Love should lend itself to clearer description?  

(Especially where safe sex is concerned?)

Sincerely,

Merp

(Fresh Powerless Scent.)

Want to get lunch with of today?

During my freshman year of college, I dated a guy who used T9 on his phone.  T9 is like Autocorrect except pushier in its suggestions.  Thus, I got used to receiving texts from him like, “Want to get lunch with of today?”  It was kind of like a code.  Sometimes his messages required deciphering.

Once, I was texting him about how little sleep I’d gotten the night before.

“I was up until 3 doing homework, but I took a nap today.  I’ll be fine!” I sent.

“Kids!” he texted back.

Kids? I thought.  Was this his way of suggesting that we have some?  Yikes, how soon.  And that really wouldn’t help me get any sleep.

Or was he making fun of me for being young and silly?  After all, he was 22 and I was 18.  Uh oh.  Did he really see me as just a kid?

It turned out that he’d meant to text, “Lies!”  Whew.  No thank you for that one, T9.

Runner Problems #2

Is a smile the best umbrella?

Think again.

Prudence's Instructions for the Weekend

Prudence is another beloved suitemate.  While trawling through the photo archive, I found this picture from almost exactly a year ago.  Prudence was feeling down in the dumps and needed to be cheered up.  She also needed a plan.  So I drew her this.  

(Prudence is the straight-haired one, and I am the berserk-haired one.)

Happy Easter!

Idea credit to Merp (Age 6).

Overcompensating

Idea credit to Tiberius.

He deals in dairy

Merp was hungry.  

Skyler possessed macaroni and cheese.  

Merp offered a transaction:  one dollar for a cup of "college gold".  

Skyler said that his goods were worth no less than $1.69 apiece.  

Merp tried to give Skyler coins.  

Skyler threw them in Merp's face, saying, "They will sit on my dresser and then I will lose them."  

Merp had to find another way to compensate.  Fortunately, the starving artist is never at a loss.