Sunday, April 22, 2012

Miffed Letter to the French Language

Dear French Language,

Why don't you have a good translation for the English "safe," besides "out of danger"?  Do Francophones say that they practice out-of-danger sex?  

(Well, maybe they don't say anything at all.  Seems like French people always have their mouths occupied with wine, cheese, or red roses.)

Why is cela m'est egal the only translation you have for "I don't care"?  It's impossible to spit out, "THIS IS EQUAL TO ME," with the same vehemence supplied by the original English.

Why do you have so many words about places, like endroit, lieu, place, and espace, but refuse to differentiate between house and home?  Although, nice job inventing chez moi.  That's a keeper.

Why do you use sentir, se sentir, and ressentir almost interchangeably, but not notify French learners of how they're different?  When I write essays, I want to say, "she feels powerless," not "she smells powerless."  Please.  My French teachers have been laughing at me ("honh honh honh") for years over this one.

Come on, French.  Don't you think the Language of Love should lend itself to clearer description?  
(Especially where safe sex is concerned?)

Sincerely,
Merp
(Fresh Powerless Scent.)


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