Fire Alarms

One of the great things about college is having fire alarms go off in your dorm at all hours of the day.  

It could be eleven a.m. when you’ve just gotten back from your first class.  You walk down the hallway, letting your shoulders slump because no one can see you, already mentally rehearsing your door code, reaching out to touch the handle, and BLEEEEP BLEEEEP BLEEEEP you are DENIED sanctuary.  Time to execute a prompt about-face and trot back outside until it’s “safe.”

But usually, the fire alarm goes off late at night.  Especially if you live in a freshman dorm.  Actually, if you live in a freshman dorm, the damned thing will be blaring and flashing pretty much 24/7.  Why?  Because freshmen are not house-trained yet.

Perks of frequent fire drills:  You’ll get really good at leaping out of bed, putting on your shoes and picking up your ID card in one motion, and running down a few flights of stairs and outside before waking up.  Fire alarms are social events.  There’s always someone who forgot her shoes, so you let her stand on your feet instead of in the snow.  There’s always a quilt-wrapped, two-person burrito talking to their friends, who are trying hard to hide their smirks.  There’s always a grumpy girl wearing a towel and suds in her hair.  And there’s always the cool guy who strolls outside minutes after everyone else, perhaps hoping for a dramatic and fiery demise.

So what the heezy are your fellow students doing to set off the alarm so often?  Mostly, it’s “DURR imma burn the shit outta my popcorn at 2 AM that sounds like a good idea hurr.”  There is no other explanation.